Working Through Limitations

Talk about working through limmitations: this is the third time I'm writing this post. What I wanted to talk about today was this google+ post that inspired me this morning. It was a photo of this tree with its roots enmeshed in cement and grids, yet the tree was thriving. The tree was not supposed to grow, but it did, despite its limitations. So here I am now feeling so inspired, that I got busy on my iphone: typing while breast feeding Zach while Noah (God bless his beautiful soul) slept soundly for just as long as I needed to write. It was a beautiful post talking about not wasting time, or giving up because of challenges we face, which I related too, being a mom with twins. And wouldn't you know, that as soon as I got ready to post the damn thing, it was lost. So I tried again, writing an entirely new post and that too was lost. Now, to add insult to injury the boys were both screaming for my attention. Zach was still hungry after being breast fed, so I was preparing to feed him some more. When Noah caught a glimpse of his brother in my arms his eyes widened with confusion and betrayal and then of course, the waterworks. Well, thank God for grandma, she came down at the right time and here I am two hours and several diaper changes later creating yet another post. Noah's still awake and he's sqauwking at me but I'm still here, getting it done. I have used my limitations as a crutch,using them as the reasons I can't write. I blamed the twins; it was if they were deliberately thwarting my plans. everytime I wanted to write was when they become most demanding. Truth is: I'm lazy and I'm afraid. What if I suck as a writer? Now I know why God blessed me with twins. Talk about a rude awakening. Zachary Carlton (named after my father, who's unexpected death is another reason I realize that time is the most precious commodity we have-you can't get back what you've wasted)and Noah Austin Chalmers are the reasons I get up in the morning and work even when I don't want to. I know that I have to be an example to my boys. You see, as hard as it is to raise twins, be on maternity leave without an income, fulfill my wifely duties taking care of the home, and dealing with unwanted, irritating and unexpected intrusions, it will be even harder to live an unfulfilled life. I don't want to be an old, bitter mom with regrets taking my failures out on my innocent boys. I owe it to them to fulfill my purpose in life. I have to be an example to them and of course, I want them to be proud of me. They must learn something early on that I wish I took more seriously when I was younger. I could have been or done anything I wanted if I just put in the work. Back when I had opportunities to pursue my dreams my priorities were screwed up; I expected instant gratification and as my grandma would say, I put the cart before the horse. I didn't want to put in the time it takes to hone one's craft. As the mom of two African American boys it's important that they understand the importance, no-necessity of hard work early on since they will have to work twice as hard to achieve their goals. Funny, even with my time limited, I've written more now than I ever have in my entire life even though it was my dream to be a writer. It means so much to me now. I have been making excuses my entire life and I am too old to make them anymore. So I thank God for the newest challenges in my life for they have motivated me in a way that nothing or anyone ever could. I am a writer, and I will write. Period. I have a bunch more I could say but I don't want to risk losing this post again. So I just want to end with a shout out to google+ and the author who posted the tree that grew in spite of its limitations. Speaking of limitations-has anyone ever tried to type holding a drooling 4-month old? It's actually pretty gross.