CONFESSIONS FROM A FRUSTRATED NEW MOTHER (OF TWINS!)

Perhaps some of you can relate: I am feeling quite challenged at the moment. I am the proud mother to two new perfect twin boys: Zach and Noah Chalmers. I expected to lose sleep, get used to a new routine and I had heard about all the unwanted advice and suggestions that family would offer, but it's quite different when you are living with your in-laws, as opposed to them just visiting every once in a while. Babies bring out the best in people-and they can bring out the worst even though their worst is their best, and by this, I mean that everyone is an expert in child care and everyone seems to think your babies are theirs, usurping your authority, invading your space and it causes serious tension in relationships. This has been the hardest for me since I think I've been trying to prove myself my entire life. I incorrectly assumed that becoming a mother guaranteed I would no longer be treated like a baby. Ironic isn't it? I should have known it was going to be something when at the hospital a relative came to visit and tried to prevent me from breast-feeding my own kids. She then proceeded to come over every day-interrupting my breast feeding, and bonding with all kinds of silly, intrusive advice, the latest being to burn candles and incense when the babies smile at nobody in particular because they are entertaining spirits. Listen, I'm not getting rid of anyone or anything natural or supernatural that brings smiles to my babies' faces. Besides, I believe those smiles are for my dad, deceased about 12 years now, looking over his new grandsons. I am at my wits end now-and the loss of privacy is the biggest obstacle I have to face. I am tired of people stopping by. Trying to take my babies away from me... Especially since I'm a new mother and I need time to adjust to my new life. I need to bond with my boys and learn how to get over the fact that I'm never going to have a moment to myself for at least 18 years. I've heard that once the kids get older, the fascination wanes... I've read that you should just smile and say yes, to unwanted or unwarranted advice, and that it's o.k. to ignore it. I've tried that, along with prayer for the Good Lord to please let me hold my tongue-and keep me from punching the next person in the face who says "they don't mean to interfere but..." Stay tuned.

FOOD STAMP LOGIC

As a member of a so-called marginalized community, I find myself at odds with others in my race who consider me a sell-out or Auntie Tom because of some of my political opinions. Simply put, there are elements of "Black" politics that I agree with/understand yet there are many ideas that I believe serve to undermine "us" and do nothing to help the cause of Black advancement and the move towards a racial reconciliation-i.e. Affirmative Action( but that's another debate for another day.) What I want to address today is former Speaker Newt Gingrich's "food-stamp president" comment. Many took offense to this comment claiming it was racially charged because the president is Black. Was it? Perhaps, but that's not my issue. I am more concerned about how he defended the statement and why I agree with him on this particular issue. Ann Curry of NBC's morning show went after Newt hard: she accused him of playing the race card leading up to the South Carolina primary. Newt claimed he had been using the term for 8 months. He turned the tables back on Ann by accusing the liberal media of getting upset whenever republicans try to encourage prosperity by discouraging government dependence. He said it was a fact that more food stamps have been doled out under the Obama administration because of massive government spending. He claims that most people would rather earn a paycheck than be dependent on the government. He then defended himself against charges of racism by pointing out he attended the Martin Luther King breakfast with Tom Scott(a Black republican) who shares Newt's views. So do I. I had to apply for food stamps once, after falling on hard times, as most of us will do at some point in our lives. I found the experience humiliating. I took it personally being Black, because of the stigma and stereotyping that comes from receiving government aid. I vowed after the experience that I would never do it again, never mind the stigma, having to go through the fingerprinting, the disclosure, the government in your business...it's dehumanizing. I would rather earn a paycheck. I would like to take race out of this debate, because research has shown that the majority of welfare recipients are not Black. It's unfortunate that many of us believe that the majority of people on food stamps are Black and are offended by the statement. I think it's quite telling. Why don't liberals ever address the issue that many who are dependent on government would rather not be? It's a bit condescending I think, to say someone is racist because they think people should be less dependent on the government for hand outs. African American conservatives should take the lead here. This is how we move away from the racism that taints politics. There are far too many progressive Blacks in America who understand that racism does exist, but calling someone a racist because they speak out against food stamps or other social welfare programs does little to advance the cause of racial equality. This is not to say that racism does not exist and has no part in society but one way to address it is to combat liberal ideas that undermine the progress made by successful Black Americans. I don't endorse Newt Gingrich, but I am glad he has black friends.

MY NEW NORMAL...

So much has happened in the year since I've left...I had two twin boys, got married...in the midst of going crazy on maternity leave-not that I don't love my boys, I do. They have completely changed my life. But now I realize that if I don't get my ass in gear and WRITE, I'm going to be a miserable mother to these two. And it's not like I haven't been writing. Not like there isn't all this shit going on that needs my point of view. As a matter of fact, I'm going to attach something I should have posted a year ago-when the re-election campaign started...I really have to start over. I'm in "recovery" right now, reading the artist's way-by Julia Cameron. Due to childcare issues, I've only been able to do the morning pages, which I've found helpful...but I'm treating this blog as part of my recovery process, and I'm starting over... I have to try to get on this blog as I'm doing now-while the boys are sound asleep. I know, it sounds simple enough, but these kids are unpredictable. They both could wake up right now and that's it for me. And due to my stubborn, possessive/obsessive maternal make-up, I refuse to call grandma downstairs for help because this is also "me" time. I hear stirring, so I will have to make this quick. I want to apologize to myself and my readers for being MIA. I let my inner turmoil take over my life. So many things to discuss...but I suppose I have time. I can't get into it all today-but let me start by saying this: I had a loooong blog written yesterday about how the adjustment to parenthood was driving me crazy, with all of these unexpected visitors, intruding family members and just trying to adjust to this new life-but it got lost. Good thing too! Hubby wouldn't have been pleased... So, my goal is to keep relevant, and to exercise my writing skills. I hear my inner critic scoffing. (My inner censor, let's call her Cassie- thinks she's funny-I know she's a woman, and I've named her Cassie after the blond, blue-eyed girl I worshiped in grade school. I wanted her to like me, and I wanted to be just like her. She was pretty and smart and good at EVERYTHING and of course, she had a following. That's what I want... and wouldn't it be great if my blog could give me that? Shut up, Cassie, it's possible. You see, things may not come easily to me-I love writing, but I can't just get up in the morning with perfect prose falling out of my mouth and off my fingertips, like some people. I really have to work at it. And that scares me because I really want to succeed at this. So as my blog beckons you: please, come to the writer's block, I want to share ideas, opinions on everything from politics to peanuts. Whatever that means. Whatever I try to make sense of in this world, I want to put on the blog. In the meantime, maybe I can make some friends. Ewww...that does sound a bit desperate. I guess Cassie had a point when she told me in that flippant way of hers, "not to try so hard." It's true. If I've learned anything at all from my years struggling in the "real world," its that desperation is a huge turn off. Anyway. I have to go-the kids are stirring. They tend to do this whenever I have things to do. God Bless them. Zachary and Noah-they are the reason for all of this... O.k. and as promised, stay tuned for my next entry: it was written a while back during the early campaigning for president when Newt Gingrich was still in the race. He made a divisive statement that I found interesting. It still applies today, I think as the republican party tries to regroup from this elections losses.... Thanks for hanging out! See you soon